…And we’re back
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried to start this, of all the different ways I’ve tried to figure out exactly how to put my summer into words. It’s difficult, to say the least, to try and describe an experience this life changing. But I’m going to give it my best shot.
So here we go.
When I left to start this journey over two months ago, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into. Turns out I didn’t have a clue. The way God stretched me, shaped me and changed me this summer was something I could have never imagined or prepared myself for. And don’t get me wrong, I mean that in the best way possible. The way I see it, if I had felt “prepared” at any point -spiritually, emotionally, what have you- before I left, I don’t know if I would have given everything up to God right from the start. It’s probably one of the better decisions I’ve made. I found myself relying on Him and turning to Him throughout the day. Leaning on Him when things got tough or stressful, and praising and thanking him when things were good. My relationship with God has grown immensely. It was there before I left, but it was something I really struggled with. And now I feel that God is a lot closer to being at the forefront of my life.
I’ve been home for nineteen days now. Yepp, I’ve been counting. It’s been, well in all honesty, a little tough.
(from my notebook, August 8th 2012)
“I have two days left in Mexico. Two. On one hand, I’m looking forward a little to going home. I miss my family. I miss some of my friends. On the other hand, I can’t even imagine myself leaving. Everything here has been the norm, been my life for the past two months. I know that come Saturday morning, I’ll be filled with the feeling that I’m abandoning my other home. I don’t know if I’m prepared to leave this valley for a whole year. Everything that’s happened this summer, the people I’ve met, the friend’s I’ve made, and the fact that my life feels so much more focused on God now, it’s all making the thought of leaving almost unbearable. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that a week from now, I won’t be waking up at 520am to head to devotions and staff meetings. That I won’t be making breakfasts or spending the day at job sites. I’m dreading the routine of my life at home. I’m not ready to look back on little things and think about how much I miss it all. Deanna shouting “cover your ears!” and whistling for the group. The boys trying to perfect their juggling. Playing cards and complaining about the amount of country music coming through the speakers in the kitchen. And I may or may not even miss being called “Poopsy” every day. But don’t tell the guys that. Sometimes I think I’d have an easier time with leaving if I could maybe have another month. But what would happen when it came time to leave then? I guess there always has to be an end. Nevertheless, I’m not going to be mopey my last days here. Yes, I’ll miss it, but yes, I’m also going to focus on the positive and keep praying.”
It feels as if it was only yesterday I was scrambling to make sure everything was in my suitcase (and of course I forgot things anyway), or sitting on the floor of the San Diego airport with the other staff playing cards and drinking coffee.
It’s a little odd that, in a sense, being home feels unfamiliar and distant. But I’m working on it. And by working on it, I mean turning to God every moment of every day.
Now that I’m home, I’m back to my job at the Cheam Centre in Chilliwack, going to church on Sundays, and spending time with my guys whenever I can. As for school plans, I currently have absolutely nothing. Before I left, my plan was to continue working for a year, and in the fall, hopefully attend a music production school in New Westminister called Stylus. But now, the only thing I know for sure is that in the next couple of years I would love nothing more than to be spending my summers on the Baja and working with OLOC. I really feel that the school in New West isn’t exactly what God is calling me for. Remember that tugging feeling I mentioned when God called me down to Mexico? Yepp. Same one. Only this time I have no Idea what He is calling me for, except that Stylus isn’t it. I’ve been thinking a little about checking out Columbia Bible College a bit, and looking into WYAM a little. I don’t know if either are what God want for me, so for now, I’ve just got to be patient and listen.
I also wanted to say a huge, enormous, giant thank you to every one who supported me and who prayed for me over the summer. It’s more appreciated than you’ll ever know and I am so grateful.
I am so unbelievably thankful for this summer. The people I got to work with and work for, the love and blessings that were poured out, and the work that was done, all of it for God’s glory.
So for now, I’ll leave you with two verses that continued to pop up during the summer, and have continued to pop up even while I’m home.Goodnight and God bless.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ.
I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.