how constant, how divine

I’ve been thinking a lot about doubt, lately. Whether it’s the concept of it, or doubt in my own life. 

I know that for myself, doubt spurs fear. And that fear leads to more doubt, creating a vicious cycle of sorts. 

Outside of this next year, I have no idea what my life will look like. Where I will be, what I will be doing or who I will be. None of it. And that terrifies me. I’ve always had a plan (in one form or another) and, for the first time in a long time, I don’t. I’ve found that I am frequently reminding myself that I’ve given God control, and He will provide. Yet that doesn’t stop me from doubting everything, leaving me feeling slightly lost. 

Yet there have been so many times this week when God has reached out to me, quieting the doubt. Whether it was a verse I stumbled upon, a song I heard, or a friend at work praying for me. Each thing reminded me that doubt isn’t from God. He wants nothing more than to uplift us, and have us follow Him wholeheartedly.

Through all of our doubt, and all of our fear, God is constant. He is constantly beside us, and constantly loving us. Doubts and all. 

God means what He says. What He says goes. His powerful Word is as sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God’s Word. We can’t get away from it, no matter what.     Hebrews 4:12-13 (the Message)

how infinitely sweet, this love that rescued me

set a fire

     It’s tough, sometimes, trying to figure out where God wants us in life, when we get so caught up figuring where we want ourselves in life.

I know for myself, I sometimes get so concerned with all of the little things that can bring me down, I completely forget that God has it all in His hands. I need to weed through all of the negativity, and thoughts telling me that I’m not strong enough, that my best effort won’t be enough, to find God’s voice again, uplifting me, giving me the strength, love and courage it takes to do what He is calling me for. 

With that in mind, I am so excited for the journeys God will be leading me on this year! I am very blessed to have to opportunity to work with One Life One Chance again this summer, and to be travelling to Ireland in September to attend discipleship training, and to gain tools for the work God is calling me for. 

So I’ll ask for continued prayers as I’m getting ready to take this next big step in my life.

Thank you! And have a fantastic Thursday :)

so set a fire down in my soul that i can’t contain, that i can’t control. i want more of You, God

…And we’re back

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried to start this, of all the different ways I’ve tried to figure out exactly how to put my summer into words. It’s difficult, to say the least, to try and describe an experience this life changing. But I’m going to give it my best shot.

So here we go. 

When I left to start this journey over two months ago, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into. Turns out I didn’t have a clue. The way God stretched me, shaped me and changed me this summer was something I could have never imagined or prepared myself for. And don’t get me wrong, I mean that in the best way possible. The way I see it, if I had felt “prepared” at any point -spiritually, emotionally, what have you- before I left, I don’t know if I would have given everything up to God right from the start. It’s probably one of the better decisions I’ve made. I found myself relying on Him and turning to Him throughout the day. Leaning on Him when things got tough or stressful, and praising and thanking him when things were good. My relationship with God has grown immensely. It was there before I left, but it was something I really struggled with. And now I feel that God is a lot closer to being at the forefront of my life. 

I’ve been home for nineteen days now. Yepp, I’ve been counting. It’s been, well in all honesty, a little tough.

(from my notebook, August 8th 2012)

“I have two days left in Mexico. Two. On one hand, I’m looking forward a little to going home. I miss my family. I miss some of my friends. On the other hand, I can’t even imagine myself leaving. Everything here has been the norm, been my life for the past two months. I know that come Saturday morning, I’ll be filled with the feeling that I’m abandoning my other home. I don’t know if I’m prepared to leave this valley for a whole year. Everything that’s happened this summer, the people I’ve met, the friend’s I’ve made, and the fact that my life feels so much more focused on God now, it’s all making the thought of leaving almost unbearable. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that a week from now, I won’t be waking up at 520am to head to devotions and staff meetings. That I won’t be making breakfasts or spending the day at job sites. I’m dreading the routine of my life at home. I’m not ready to look back on little things and think about how much I miss it all. Deanna shouting “cover your ears!” and whistling for the group. The boys trying to perfect their juggling. Playing cards and complaining about the amount of country music coming through the speakers in the kitchen. And I may or may not even miss being called “Poopsy” every day. But don’t tell the guys that. Sometimes I think I’d have an easier time with leaving if I could maybe have another month. But what would happen when it came time to leave then?  I guess there always has to be an end. Nevertheless, I’m not going to be mopey my last days here. Yes, I’ll miss it, but yes, I’m also going to focus on the positive and keep praying.”

It feels as if it was only yesterday I was scrambling to make sure everything was in my suitcase (and of course I forgot things anyway), or sitting on the floor of the San Diego airport with the other staff playing cards and drinking coffee. 

It’s a little odd that, in a sense, being home feels unfamiliar and distant. But I’m working on it. And by working on it, I mean turning to God every moment of every day. 

Now that I’m home, I’m back to my job at the Cheam Centre in Chilliwack, going to church on Sundays, and spending time with my guys whenever I can. As for school plans, I currently have absolutely nothing. Before I left, my plan was to continue working for a year, and in the fall, hopefully attend a music production school in New Westminister called Stylus. But now, the only thing I know for sure is that in the next couple of years I would love nothing more than to be spending my summers on the Baja and working with OLOC. I really feel that the school in New West isn’t exactly what God is calling me for. Remember that tugging feeling I mentioned when God called me down to Mexico? Yepp. Same one. Only this time I have no Idea what He is calling me for, except that Stylus isn’t it. I’ve been thinking a little about checking out Columbia Bible College a bit, and looking into WYAM a little. I don’t know if either are what God want for me, so for now, I’ve just got to be patient and listen. 

I also wanted to say a huge, enormous, giant thank you to every one who supported me and who prayed for me over the summer. It’s more appreciated than you’ll ever know and I am so grateful.

I am so unbelievably thankful for this summer. The people I got to work with and work for, the love and blessings that were poured out, and the work that was done, all of it for God’s glory.  

So for now, I’ll leave you with two verses that continued to pop up during the summer, and have continued to pop up even while I’m home.Goodnight and God bless.

      Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ. 

                                                        Philippians 4:6-7

      I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

                                                          Psalm 121:1-2

Right now, I’m sitting in the kitchen at Los Olivos, listening to a church group that’s camping for the weekend belt Mighty To Save. Sunday mornings really can’t get much better than this.

The last few days have been pretty awesome. Thursday, we took the group from Calvary to a rehab center for the community outreach. I got the chance to speak with a couple of the men there, and was blown away by their stories. Their love for God and their hope for their futures really was encouraging. While one of the men was telling us about some of the things he had done, and why he was in prison, Deanna told him that God doesn’t look at us and see what we were, or what we used to be. He looks at us and he sees us how we are now. Our pasts, no matter how terrible, don’t matter to Him.
That’s really stuck with me past couple of days, and I’m really glad it has. It’s been a good thing for me to keep thinking back on.

Friday was amazing. I have never experienced a dedication like that one before. Maria and Reuben invited friends and family over to be a part of it, so their front yard was packed with people. After the group had finished speaking, the pastors went to each and every person, placed a hand on them and began praying for safety, and thanking God for the work that had been done and the love that had been shown. It was such a moving, incredible morning.
After some much needed beach time, a bunch of us decided it’d be a good idea to pull an all nighter. It really wasn’t a good idea. At all haha.
Okay, it really wasn’t that bad. It was actually pretty fun up until the last hour and a half, where I just wanted to go crawl into a corner and pass out. ;P
But we managed to stay up ( after NUMEROUS pots of coffee ), said goodbye to Calvary, and went to bed for a solid three hours. Yeah. We were a lively bunch yesterday.
But it was good, and we’re all amping up for Broadway to get here tonight!
I’m really excited for another busy week and just loving on a family.

Well, I think that’s all for now. Molly is sitting across from me, begging me to say how amazing she is. So there’s that.

Okay let’s give this a shot. 

I sat for over an hour this morning staring at my screen, trying to come up with a way to start this bad boy. I haven’t been in a very positive headspace the last few days, and trying to write has been a bit of a challenge. But, I’m adamant on getting this done now. Plus. I think a few people might fly down and kick my butt if I didn’t :P

Last week was incredible. Both Aldergrove and Westside got their pretty quickly, and both did awesome jobs! I only got to work on site with Westside, but I was definitely impressed. They all worked together so well, always knowing what they needed to be doing. 

I got to take about eight people from Westside’s team to a daycare a couple of blocks away from their build and helped them with their vbs crafts and games. It was really cool being able to lead them and watch them play with dozens of little kids! 

This week, we’ve got a group of fifteen people (so different from last weeks 40+!!) from Calvary Baptist Church in Coquitlam. They are seriously rocking. The house is just about finished already, paint and all! All of these groups are seriously blowing my mind. I took a bunch of them to the same daycare yesterday for their vbs. I adore coming back each week and seeing the same little faces. I am so in love with some of those kids, and have definitely planned on hiding a couple of them in my suitcase and taking them home with me haha :)

Even with all of the negativity I’ve been feeling, I still know that God is moving in this community. I just need to keep my eyes on Him and keep remembering that I’m down here to serve Him and show His love. 

I lay me down, I’m not my own. I belong to You alone.

Finally!

May or may not have let the first week go by without any update…heh heh oops! And I apologize to anyone that’s been waiting with baited breath to hear from me! *cough cough* Tim.

The first week was an awesome start to the summer! Crossroads was a super energetic, fun group who really seemed to love being able to pour out on Maria and her two children, along with Pastor Ellie and her church! I loved watching them work together so seamlessly, eager to be lights of God’s love.

And I have a feeling that this week is going to be just as exciting.. We have two big groups at camp, one from Aldergrove and one from Westside in Prince George! 

I got to be on the job site with Westside today and meet the family they’re building for; Anna Maria, Martin and their two little boys and help out a little with the construction believe it or not!

So here I am, in Mexico, finding it hard to believe that I get to spend the summer in this place with an amazing group of staff and amazing groups coming down each week, and serving the Lord, loving the people of these communities! I know I said this back in March, but I’m going to say it again. I can’t help but see God’s love everywhere I look. While it’s sometimes easy to only see the negatives in this place, I’m finding it easier and easier to only see the positives. There is no doubt that God is on the move in Mexico. 

I also wanted to say a huge, enormous THANK YOU to everyone that has been praying for me and thinking about me! I am so absolutely grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Well, I think that’s all for now, but I’m going to be better at this blogging business this week (fingers crossed ;) ) and be posting a lot more! 

Goodnight!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

Philippians 4:13

Hello Hello! 

I really can’t believe how quickly time has passed since the spring trip down to Mexico. Feels like I got back yesterday, and I’m leaving again in a month! I’m already starting to get things ready for the end of June…Well, more likethinking about getting things ready ;) …Never really been a fan of packing! But anyway. I am STOKED beyond belief for this summer. There’s a big staff team and I’ve gotten to meet a couple more of them this past week, and I think it’s going to be awesome working with these guys and girls!

I’ve really been praying this last while that God will start to prepare my heart for this next adventure, so I can serve Him my best and show His love. 

I also wanted to say a MAJOR thank you to everyone who’s supported and who is praying for me! I could never tell you guys how much it truly means to me. 

Hmm. I really should start making up lists of things I need to pack. Buuut I just might listen to The Maine and go to bed instead ;) 

Goodnight! \m/

Well, I’ve been home for a week and I already want to go back. It felt a little strange not seeing the sun or amazing staff everyday, but I can’t wait until I head down again in June! I’m really excited to see all that God has in store for us. 

Thank you so much everyone for all of the support and prayers! It really means a lot :)

Dios te bendiga!